I never thought I’d say this, but I have to do something to curb my weight gain. Over my winter depression, I spent an embarrassing amount of time in bed—eating. It became a ritual where I’d open the Uber Eats app, scroll to my favorite restaurant and order my favorite meal. I wasn’t cooking for myself. I was putting my trust in another person to feed me, like a baby.
I took comfort in having someone else prep my meals because I internally miss the times when Mom would make ground beef-stuffed jumbo pasta shells on my birthdays, a dish she named after me. Once spring hit and I started to feel better, I started looking in the mirror. I didn’t like the woman I saw. The distended belly and love handles disgusted me. Pants hang below my stomach, my panties roll down below my belly; my jackets zip, but not without compressing my boobs. I can literally feel my stomach jiggle, like Jell-O, when I walk.
The only positive is that my boobs filled out more. What woman doesn’t want fuller boobs? But the boobs are a small reward for the self-esteem issues I face, as well as the increased medical risk associated with obesity. While I’m not yet obese, I’m in the early warning stages. If I don’t make a change now, my weight will continue to increase. I’ve gained 30lbs since Mom passed in 2020. That’s about 10lbs a year!
I recently bought a Wyze Scale that syncs my weight into Apple Health via Bluetooth. The Wyze Scale makes it easy to track my progress or regression with the Wyze app. I can set weight goals and see how close I am to reaching them.
At a recent OBGYN visit, my bloodwork showed that I’m on the cusp of prediabetes. It was a warning for me to change before it develops into diabetes, a chronic disease that impacts relatives on both sides of my family. According to the American Heart Association, too much sugar hurts your heart, so high blood pressure is also concerning.
I’m trying not to get depressed about my body image, because depression (and grief) is how I got here. I’m going to change my diet and exercise again! I want to restore my physical health!
Kee Grieves 