Two months ago, a cardinal visited a tree outside my balcony. I know they’re a sign of ancestral spiritual visits, so naturally, I was thrilled to have my mom visit me. Although I live in a wooded area, it’s rare to see a cardinal. I felt as though the bird meant something, especially since I saw two crows before it, one the same day and the other the day before.

Once I saw the second crow, I Googled the occurrence to research the deeper meaning. I got mixed results, but in any case the sighting has a profound meaning. Something was about to happen in my life. About three weeks after the sighting, I passed my road test on the first try! I believe Mom wanted me to know she’s watching me. I love her. I still feel her energy.

As I wrapped my GYN appointment at my new doctor’s office, the receptionist mentioned how much she liked my first name. And then, out of the blue, she said her daughter’s name is Keo. This would’ve been a mundane comment had Keo not been a nickname my mom called me.

The crying spell hit instantly.

I had to apologize to the receptionist and explain that the sudden rush of tears were due to my loss. The receptionist got up from her desk and met me in the hallway for an embrace. I told her about the cardinal and she welcomed my mom’s spirit. She mentioned that she lost her own mother several years ago.

In this stage of grief, I thought I was healed, but the burst of tears made me realize that I will never be completely healed. How can I? My mom is gone.

Today, I find myself avoiding deep memories about my mom and her illness. Of course, they still surface, but I’m able to block a lot of them with distractions like work, food, movies, and music. This probably isn’t a healthy approach, but it’s been almost a year! I’m tired of crying and feeling sad deep inside. I want my soul to feel clear and free again, without blocking trauma. I wish she was still here.